September is also an emotional month. It will be 2 years this month since I lost my dad. It is one of those months when I remember when his illness was diagnosed, when he went into hospital, all the hard conversations with medical staff and many other challenges we faced in those days. The pain of loosing him and the uncertainty of what the future held without him in my life and in the work. Even the fear that I would loose the house he and my mum had worked hard to keep for many years. Over the past 2 years I thank God for His many blessings as He has comforted in the hard days and yet has blessed me beyond measure throughout by not only allowing me to keep our home, but giving me a wonderful husband to share it with. Surely God is good.
As I think of Dad's anniversary later this month, it is perhaps bothering me a little more than last year. Yes, last year was the first year, but we were just married and we were preparing to go to Kenya. The excitement of that, coupled with the emotion of going without dad, somehow distracted from the fact that we were facing his first anniversary. As the day arrived, we remembered dad along with our friends in Kenya. That was also the day we celebrated our wedding with them....so again that distracted a little. We won't have those distractions this year.
In all of these emotions about dad, we also then remember that it is almost one year since we were in Africa. We want to return soon. We need to return soon. We appreciate the interest shown by many who ask when we will return. But it is becoming a tiring question because we don't have an answer. We do not have the funds to book our flights. We hate to have to share this. We don't find it easy to talk about money in the work because we know God supplies in His time. There are also other reasons why it just hasn't been the right time. From the human point of view we are keen to return, but deep down we know that God will provide when the time is right. It is hard though to be continually asked when we are going back and to see the look of disappointment when we say we have nothing booked. The look that sometimes thinks we are dragging our heels or not wanting to return. The look that doesn't understand or know the many things we have to take into consideration before we book, even if we did have the funds. There are other things to pray through also. We do want to return. We will return. We are still called. We are just waiting for God to provide and show us His time is now. Please do not be discouraged. Please remember there are many other things we can share about the work. There are lots of things you can ask us. Encourage us by asking about particular ministries or people. Encourage us by simply praying. Encourage us by remembering that the work is going on day by day. Remember that local people are working hard every day. Remember that both William and myself, on a daily basis, do FML work and make FML decisions. Keep praying and do not be discouraged. He makes all things beautiful in HIS time.